Aji log kya kahenge...

"I don't care about what people think..."
I do.
Many people say this sentence just like that.. just because they think, or are made to think, that it 'should' be this way.. that we 'should' not care about what others think about us... and they keep on repeating this sentence in several manners, at several places..seems it is just because they want others to know that they don't care about what others think!
(when i say 'many people',  I would like to clarify that I have have met only a few people in my life, and so I could be wrong on this.)
But still, its not that everybody's opinion matters to me, and its not that whatever I do is affected by other people..

I want people to know the 'correct' things about me. If some body likes me because I am free of ego, or if somebody hates me because I am a back-biter  (i don't know why these examples came up in my mind!), I would mind. I would want to clarify things, to let that somebody know that he likes/hates me for the wrong reasons. And that 'somebody' would usually be somebody I don't know, somebody I know and like/not-hate, and sometimes even somebody I hate.

When I am talking, I try to make sure I say what I believe, and not what somebody wants to hear from me. I try not to praise just because that might make somebody happy, or i don't criticize without proper reasons. I try not to say what could be the best possible option to say at that particular moment, and now I also try not to stick to one particular thought just because I said it an hour, or a week before. And I try not to change what I said a week before just like that. Only when I have reasons, which I will admit of course.
I try not to talk opposite of what a group of people is saying just because i think i should (might feel good :P), and I don't tend to agree just because I think I should. I do it only if I have enough reasons.

And I also think that it should be this way, although i don't have any right to say this.
So do what 'you' want, anything I mean. You want to send your parents to old-age homes or you want to start an NGO.. just do it, and stand by it.

If somebody hates me for a characteristic of mine which I consider as fine, then I can't do anything about that. And then comes the time when I can say that I don't really care about why somebody hates me.

I

"Selfishness is a sin"...
"Altruism is a virtue"...
if Yes.. read...
Why do u believe in either of these statements? selfish hona buri baat hai kya? If someone is doing everything for himself, what's your problem? Your problem comes when he does it in front of u or 'you' are involved in his act.

Now why do you call being selfish a bad thing.. i think that's because u want people to be good to you right? If somebody doesn't care about you while he is thinking of his well being, why will you like him? That is what i think is our (or rather 'my') sole reason for hating the selfish people. And it is justified.
Nobody can stop me from hating somebody. But I can't say that the stuff that he is doing is 'wrong'.
Now when i am hating somebody while calling him 'selfish', am 'I' not being selfish? coz i want 'him' to be good to me... in every situation...
That is how it works... if i am good to people... only then people will be good to  me.. nahi?
*So while I am hating somebody for being selfish, that is because 'I' am selfish.*

That was for the general definitions of selfishness.
Now for 'my' definition of selfishness, which I think 'should' be the definition. Please let me know if you  differ.

Everybody wants to do what he likes. U, me , everybody. That's what we call 'living' right? Everybody wants to see 'himself' content in every possible way. That's why I say, everybody is selfish, whether he admits it or not (to himself or to others).
Somebody giving something to a beggar.. (imagine a small kid..)
1) Thinking that he will go to heaven by doing this.. ki vo punya kama rha hai.. in this case anybody would agree that it is selfishness as generally defined.
2) Thinking that it will make the beggar happy.. and that gives 'him' the pleasure. That is generally not called selfishness.. but it is.. in my eyes.
Its just  that 2nd option  is generally considered as virtue, while it is not. (and i think nothing is)

Every action that is performed by anybody seems selfishness to me.. and properly justified.. and as nothing wrong. Being selfish is what life is. If its for the well being of others it is not considered selfishness. If you don't want to define it that way, it is fine, but why to call it a virtue? (anyway, what is a virtue?) and why to call selfishness a sin?

deshbhakti!

Anna Hazare nahin, hazaaron hain! - Gulzaar
masha allah kya baat kahi hai... But...

Anna hazare says that he has given his life to people, he LIVES for the well being of OTHER ppl!! Whats that!?
He says that he didn't have a reason to live, and he wanted to commit suicide, but he got inspired by the life of swami Vivekananda..the thing that the purpose of life is to serve others. Seems crap... Why would, and why should, i give my life for somebody else!
But dekha jaye to he feels happy by serving others. He is working to remove corruption, and that makes ME happy. Aur kya chahiye? I  wud want to say that he is an idiot if he says that he is living to serve others. (But Shit, the 'others' includes me too! )
Deshbhakti... thats the word used everywhere. The feelings of deshbhakti are fed into the brains of almost everybody i know!

"You should love your country!" - this sentence is believed to be a premise, but it is not! (thanks to Atlas Shrugged for giving me the word- premise) Say I try to export some arms to pakistani terrorists, (i won't, can't, do that!), you would hate me... why is that? u would say ' tu gaddar hai... !" just because for u it is a PREMISE! something that is 'true'! But kaun bola bhai? Being called a gaddar brings a feeling of guilt...(just because some people who wanted power over us..they make us feel guilty.. this thought came from The Fountainhead, copied as it is, and convinced to the fullest)

Sabse jyada to bewkoof sainiko(soldiers u know..) ko banaya jaata hai yaar... saara din yahi baat phoonkte rehte hain ki love ur country, die for ur country, sarhad pe jaan doge to jannat (!?) naseeb hogi... fakr ki baat hai sarhad pe jaan dena.. kyu bhai? This also becomes the reason for somebody to join the army! goli khaake aata hai koi soldier to ghamand karta hai...or at least feels proud...  can't understand this... if u die.. the game's over... then it might be nothing my friend..

Hum bhi kum bewkoof nahi banate unka.. We say that soldiers should get more salary.. they should be able to meet their expenses ....salaam thokte hain unhe...bas unme hawa bharne ke liye.. why? because we do not want to do the things that they are doing! they are protecting us! without caring for their lives.. aur hum unme hawa bharte hain ki jaao lado.. jaan de do.. par hamari jaan na jaane paye...
But even then, soldiers are happy for what they are doing. So nothing else matters. My only problem is , that i don't want anybody, to make anybody else WANT to die at the border. If it is their own choice, which i think will never be unless anybody else does some brainwashing, then if he wants to give his life for me, then who would be happier than me?

e...go...

A guy ,sitting on the driver seat. Another guy sitting beside him. 2nd guy says, yaar bag le aa, tu bhool aya. 1st one says, chod na...kahan gaadi beech me khadi karke jaunga... 2nd one... abe ek min to lagega, le aa na...
1st one.. main nahi la rha.. tu le aa... main jaunga to dikkat ho jayegi...

then the 2nd one says... abe tu dikkat ki vajah se nahi ruka, tu ruka hai ego ki vajah se. (angry he was!) then the 1st one drove the car,didn't bring the bag. Both quiet for a moment.

I was the driver, and ankur khurana was sitting beside me. I don't think he realizes the size(!?) of favor he had just done to me. I kept thinking about this for the whole day. He was so very right!
This was such a small incident. After this, i realized what this ego is.. Almost everywhere, in every conversation, (or rather, argument), it used to come before my eyes, blocked my mind. Everything that was said was just to prevent my ego from getting hurt, like 'searching' for reasons to prove myself right just because i spilled it from my mouth.
Very much in control from my side now, but it still happens. Still I realize after some time... and I don't like that feeling.
Many others too 'suffer' from this. I don't know if they know about this or not. I have met some who know it, but they are still continuing with it. I didn't ask why, (or may be I couldn't, don't remember why). I met one, who says ego honi chahiye, nahi to self respect khatam ho jaati hai. (I still don't understand what self-respect is!) I couldn't understand what he said. And as always, I didn't ask... Tell me if u have the answer...

I was quite happy to find something in me that 'I' hated, and I have the thing quite in control. (I still wonder how can people list out their 'negative' points! seems Meaningless! but i found one though...)


I hope many believe that ego is something that should be eradicated. It causes very much irritation sometimes when somebody is arguing with me, producing illogical logic. More is caused by realizing that I myself irritated somebody :P

destiny?

maktub!! (for those of have read the Alchemist) i.e. , its written, you can't change it. What has happened had been written in your destiny long ago, its written on your hands, on your forehead, and nobody knows where else! Its destiny!
Once again... Why??
Why do we say its destiny? Why has it been decided long ago?And who decided it? (of course God!... who?) But even if it is decided, how do you know it?
See its simple probability. You toss a coin, their are 50% chances each for head and tail. This doesn't need formal education, an illiterate (as defined by constitution) can see that its true.We can bias this coin, but putting some weight or something (that might require some literacy!) , so that there is 75% chance for head and 25% for tail.But still, it doesn't ensure that only head will come, there is also some probability for tail.

That's what it is in life that i see, everything is a probability. Agar gaadi 50kmph pe chal rahi hai to kuch chances hain accident hone ke, aur kuch chances hain nahi hone ke. Agar speed 120 kar di, to accident hone ke chances badhe hain (i hope u can see all the reasons for that..). This also doesn't mean ki accident ho hi jaayega. Aur agar ho gaya to kuch chances hain ki maroge, aur kuch chances honge ki bach jaaoge. (ye to conditions pe depend karega na..).
Bas agar accident ho gaya, to ye kyu kehte hain ki yaar kismat me likha tha.. ye kya baat hui. agar 50 ki speed pe hua tab especially yahi kaha jaata hai.
some think "accident hona hoga to 50 pe bhi ho jaayega, main to 120 pe chalunga". Ye sochke 120 pe chala rhe ho to yaar bewkoofi hai, because probability of accident to badh rahi hai... mar jaaoge! Agar ye pata hai ki chances badh rahe hain, aur mastibaaji me chala rhe ho, then i don't mind, because that's one's own choice :)

Ek aur cheez hoti hai, luck. Bad luck, good luck. Accident hua, Mera pair toot gaya, bad luck. Nahi toota, to good luck. We are defining luck as if it has been predetermined, par ye vo cheez hai jiska control hamare haath me nahi hota. It is almost impossible to 'bias' somethings.
If luck is defined for things that are not in our hands, and it is not said that it has been set by God or somebody... i don't mind.